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How To Beat Vampires. 5/28/10 3:26 PM
Vampires are not to be confused with Lycanthropes. While both have yellow pointy teeth and very bad halitosis, Lycanthropes are hairy and have sticky up ears. Vampires are smooth yet dastardly. These are my tips for dealing with these creatures ( Everyone howl at the moon). Here is......my guide to beating vampires.
1. Instead of hot buttered toast, eat garlic bread for breakfast.
2. Always carry a sharpened stick in your back pocket.
3. Change your name to Rupert Van Helsing.
4. Never go on holiday to Whitby.
5. Wear a neck brace at all times.
6. Knit your bedroom curtains using wire wool, or disentangled Brillo Pads.
7. Be a perpetual insomniac.
8. Visit your doctor and ask for a prescription which makes you permanently anaemic.
9.Become a Jehovah's Witness.
10. Spray them with condensed Holy Water from the springs at Lourdes.
Hope this helps. Be careful out there, for it will soon be dark.......
Thank you for reading.
1. Instead of hot buttered toast, eat garlic bread for breakfast.
2. Always carry a sharpened stick in your back pocket.
3. Change your name to Rupert Van Helsing.
4. Never go on holiday to Whitby.
5. Wear a neck brace at all times.
6. Knit your bedroom curtains using wire wool, or disentangled Brillo Pads.
7. Be a perpetual insomniac.
8. Visit your doctor and ask for a prescription which makes you permanently anaemic.
9.Become a Jehovah's Witness.
10. Spray them with condensed Holy Water from the springs at Lourdes.
Hope this helps. Be careful out there, for it will soon be dark.......
Thank you for reading.
well i prefare to be attacked by a vampire than eating garlic bread for breakfast..NO...THANK YOUUUUUU..
12. Only sleep during daylight hours so you can be awake to defend yourself. See #2.
Don't like vampires much but it really is fun when you "moon" the moon! Brings all those howling critters out...ahem , Tudie... I will warn you first!
Haha! Funny description of a Lycanthrope. They are also very sweet and eat all the excess mousies in the kingdom, but I don't think they have BAD breath, just MOUSE breath! Best of all Lycanthropes are great in the winter to keep everyone warm with all that fur.
Oh come on.....one burp can kill a dog at thirty paces !
Very funny but don't you watch TV you don't protect yourself, these days your supposed to fall in love with them. @PJ I think the oxford dictionary said a W***** is someone lacking any sense of humour who spends their time making threats on other peoples blogs.
Very good advice, will be sure to put into practice if i come across a vampire. However will this help me beat a vampire at anything? Like at scrabble or a 3 legged race or a 'who can suck the sweet the longest' contest, while on long car journeys? I paticularly don't see the use of no.6 there!!
It is a llittle known fact that vampires have a morbid aversion to wire wool and products made thereof (ok, so i made that up)