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How To Beat Every Other Team Playing In The World Cup. 6/2/10 5:45 PM
Yes, folks.that time has come around.... the time when most women decide to do piles more ironing and men either go out for "an hour or two" (which may turn into a full-blown day or two) or wallow in front of the telly, cussing at their team's lack of skill on the day. Oh, and drinking vast quantities of beer.
I have thought about the quandaries which face all managers of international teams and have come up with a failsafe approach to whacking the crap out of the opposition, whether big or small. Here is.... (National Anthems played at full volume through bad P.A. systems, please)...my guide to Winning The World Cup....
1. Score more goals than the other teams.
2. Ensure your players wear boots with sharpened studs (particularly useful if your team has a suspect defence).
3. Ensure that all referees have been selected from an oil dependant small country, thereby giving the West a guaranteed advantage.
4.Tie your opponent's bootlaces together.
5. At half times, spike the dressing room drinks with Elephant Tranquilisers. Or better still - laxatives..
6. Following on from the above, remove all toilets from the Stadium.
7. Reduce the size of the goalposts of the team of your choice by at least 30%
8. Declare a National Emergency in the homeland of the team you are playing against (only if being whupped). For example. if playing The Netherlands, announce that the Tulip crop has failed.
9.Have a mole posted at South African Passport Control - refuse entry to all the players who may pose a threat to your own team, on the basis that their passport photo looks like Borat (or post-op Michael Jackson)
10. Just play better.
There. Done. Remember, this will all be over in a matter of weeks. I personally will be reading The Beano and watching Rugby League, but don't let me detract from your enjoyment. Cheers, chaps and chappesses.....hold your flags high!!!!
Thank you for reading.
I have thought about the quandaries which face all managers of international teams and have come up with a failsafe approach to whacking the crap out of the opposition, whether big or small. Here is.... (National Anthems played at full volume through bad P.A. systems, please)...my guide to Winning The World Cup....
1. Score more goals than the other teams.
2. Ensure your players wear boots with sharpened studs (particularly useful if your team has a suspect defence).
3. Ensure that all referees have been selected from an oil dependant small country, thereby giving the West a guaranteed advantage.
4.Tie your opponent's bootlaces together.
5. At half times, spike the dressing room drinks with Elephant Tranquilisers. Or better still - laxatives..
6. Following on from the above, remove all toilets from the Stadium.
7. Reduce the size of the goalposts of the team of your choice by at least 30%
8. Declare a National Emergency in the homeland of the team you are playing against (only if being whupped). For example. if playing The Netherlands, announce that the Tulip crop has failed.
9.Have a mole posted at South African Passport Control - refuse entry to all the players who may pose a threat to your own team, on the basis that their passport photo looks like Borat (or post-op Michael Jackson)
10. Just play better.
There. Done. Remember, this will all be over in a matter of weeks. I personally will be reading The Beano and watching Rugby League, but don't let me detract from your enjoyment. Cheers, chaps and chappesses.....hold your flags high!!!!
Thank you for reading.
or u could be more grand and send the other team some fruits,,vodka,, plus couple of stripp**s...that would be after kidnapping the coach of course ;)
Another suggestion Have children play as in the US it is only a sport for children then they go on to play a real sport Football. Or because the rest of the world won't mind watching children. Oh wait a minute some of the players are big children.
You could add another to the list - Have their players featured in a nike add, the ones in it seem to be dropping out with injuries, Rose
I'm still waiting for someone to answer the awful routine question from the dumb reporters 'Why do you think you beat TeamX today?'... 'Because we scored more goals than them!'
All I can say is that last week Japan scored more goals than England and still lost !!!!!
I don't hate football, although I know only Zizou, but I hate.. ironing! LOL
Handy tip - don't do ironing. Creases give character to clothes. ;o)
I HATE FOOTBALL! Number 11 - JUST BAN IT ALTOGETHER!!!!!
That is SUCH a harsh thing to say about "The Beautiful Game". Shame on you !!!