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How To Beat The Sound Of A Vulvuzela 6/15/10 2:03 PM
As you all are now more than aware, the season of six week madness and mayhem is upon us. It is the culmination of four years hard effort from many nations, and should be a celebration of men with great balls control. A riot of colour and culture. Instead, it is not. We switch on our TV's in anticipation of seeing our favourite teams striving their hardest to bring glory to their respective countries. And what do we get.... a constant drone, akin to bull wasps performing a perpetual mating dance in a nest built within a giant megaphone.
This is somehow wrong. For some this is part of the South Africa World Cup Experience ( not as good as The Jimi Hendrix Experience but that's just MY taste). For others, calls have been made to TV repair people with complaints about faulty buzzing sounds on the telly. So here it is (crescendo of cymbals, please).... my guide to silencing the venezuelas.
1. Spell the offending word correctly before tackling the problem.
2. Dip the mouthpieces in hot chilli powder.
3. Apply Superglue to the lips of anyone carrying one.
4. Stuff Gorgonzola down the offending end of the vizazuzulu .
5. Have your ears amputated.
6. Compulsory talent tests for all attending a match carrying one - if they can't play three separate notes then don't let 'em in.
7. Kidnap the suppliers (probably far too late).
8. Sing very loudly.
9. Release REAL wasps nests into the Stadium.
10. Syringe molten wax into the ears of those who want relief from these infernal objects.
Hope this helps. Any other ideas are most welcome, but PLEASE.... just whisper your suggestions. Wouldn't want to start the bees off.
Thank you for reading.
This is somehow wrong. For some this is part of the South Africa World Cup Experience ( not as good as The Jimi Hendrix Experience but that's just MY taste). For others, calls have been made to TV repair people with complaints about faulty buzzing sounds on the telly. So here it is (crescendo of cymbals, please).... my guide to silencing the venezuelas.
1. Spell the offending word correctly before tackling the problem.
2. Dip the mouthpieces in hot chilli powder.
3. Apply Superglue to the lips of anyone carrying one.
4. Stuff Gorgonzola down the offending end of the vizazuzulu .
5. Have your ears amputated.
6. Compulsory talent tests for all attending a match carrying one - if they can't play three separate notes then don't let 'em in.
7. Kidnap the suppliers (probably far too late).
8. Sing very loudly.
9. Release REAL wasps nests into the Stadium.
10. Syringe molten wax into the ears of those who want relief from these infernal objects.
Hope this helps. Any other ideas are most welcome, but PLEASE.... just whisper your suggestions. Wouldn't want to start the bees off.
Thank you for reading.
hi, great blog only see it now, I kinda loved the vuvuzela sphere, If i watch football i kinda miss it, lol but there was a system to neutralize, playing a counter sound (180° shift of the frequenties) But after all i loved this WC in S-africa Greets Dodgeviper
having been to fan park, saw that they can be used as markers for mini games and an irate english supporter tried to brain someone with it when england lost. germans blow on 3 at a time.
Insist users play the instrument via a different orifice...insist with extreme prejudice....or drink yourself into oblivion so you dont get woken up in the early hours by fans ROFL..not!
I love the pepper idea! How about shoving a pair of used soccer shorts in the end of it. Not only block it but the smell might get to them.:P
buy a kuduzela.
Maybe learn how to play zouzaphone inztead and make the mouthpieze drizzle with zzzzz's zo the vizazuzulu-playerz" go to zleep and then - no noize....