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NOT ONLINE balroc45

balroc45 has been a member since 8/8/05 and was last logged in on 3/15/13

How To Beat Jedward 9/10/10 11:06 AM


It cannot have escaped global notice that this year (or was it last year? Whatever, it seems like an eternity) a new phenomenon has seeped into the collective consciousness as a result of the cultural castle that is "Britain's Got Talent". May have been "X Factor", not sure.

This phenomenon is a singing/dancing formation - I use the term loosely - of twin Dork brothers who somehow have captured the hearts and minds of pre-pubescent kiddywinkies barely out of nappies. We are talking JEDWARD.

This pair simply epitomize the wretched of the more wretched, with their less than inane patter, crappy Oirish patois and a singular inability to either co-ordinate feet or vocal chords. Their height is enhanced by the worst hair-do's of all time (their dresser may have been the Number 1 fan of "Something About Mary") and their parents should be truly ashamed and embarrassed.

A small note here regarding the irish - lots of my friends are irish, and I dissassociate myself from this pair of twollops alone.

So...here they are - my suggestions for beating the less than dynamic duo. Feel free to add your own.

1. Enter two warbling cats into a TV talent show

2. Enter Douglas Bader into "Strictly Come Dancing", supported by JW

3. Enter Jedward into "Strictly Come Dancing" with Heather Mills as a partner

4. Have "Jake The Peg" challenge Jedward to a Tango, Live on air

5. Ban all substances (organic or otherwise) which can stiffen the follicles

6. Ask the wonderboys to pee in the corner of a barrel (this should keep them occupied for hours)

7. Play a game of Snakes and Ladders with them - but turn the board upside down

8. Tie their shoelaces together

9. Enter them into The Eurovision Song Contest, perfomring a short medley of songs by The Three Tenors.... with a dance routine as appropriate

10. Oh bugger it - just whack their empty heads with thick sticks of rhubarb

So there it is - my guide to beating Jedward. Add at your leisure.

Thank you for reading.

Comments

  • fattybums

    I agree wholeheartedly wuith you. The pair of raving nutters should have been prevented not encouraged to go on tv and bore the hell out of everyone with a brain.

  • jormadzac

    I too had to google 'em. Every country has their teeny bopper draws it seems. But what I found was the winner of x factor that season, Joe, was fantastic.

  • Hrory

    I like JEDWARD!! Im annoyed that they disappeared for a bit and didn't bring a film out and conquer the world like they were meant to last year. J E D W A R D RULE!!!! If you can beat them that easy lets see you enter lmao ;o)

  • flw1335-g

    They make me cringe - I turn of the TV if they are on.

  • flower76

    maybe try giving them a bit of a haircut with a set of hedge trimmers, with a bit of luck and a slip of the hand..........;-)

  • lipstick50

    I had to Google them. OMG ... the hair!!