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Two More Steps Backwards 9/4/11 3:34 AM
To be honest with all of you, I did not want to write in my blog tonight. I didn't want to talk about or even think about what is happening with Ron now. I just wanted to stop feeling, because at this point it feels like I'm stuck in quicksand. The more I struggle to get out, the faster it sucks me down. At this point, I feel like I'm finally in over my head. I can't do anymore and I'm to tired to fight it. All I have left is my hand outstretched to God hoping He'll pull me out. In my self pity, I'm convinced He can't hear me because my cries are muffled by all the grime and debris filling me up and crushing my heart. My faith is sinking with me.
But then I am brought back to reality by my very good friend Vickie. She reminds me of just how far God has brought us over the past few months. She tells me that people who give up, die. And then she reminds me of how God has blessed me with so many wonderful people who sincerely love me and Ron, and who have gone through this whole ordeal with us, praying unceasingly. She, in her own kind way, tells me to write...to allow you to help. Because we know that it's the many many prayers being said on Ron's behalf, on my behalf have been heard by God and have been answered. I realize that Ron is alive today because so many have petitioned God in prayer to help and heal him. So I'll write to you my friends. I'll keep my hand outstretched to God and I won't give up. Not on God. Not on Ron. Not on myself and not on my friends who have been my lifeline from the beginning of all this tragedy.
Here it is (finally). Ron is back in the hospital. As you know, I had him in the emergency room a few nights ago. He was in very bad condition then and they wanted him to be admitted, but he refused. He said he was finished with hospitals. He had had enough and just wanted to go home. Made me and his mom both promise that we would not allow him to be admitted. So he was discharged from the ER and brought home.The only thing they had done for him was to get his blood pressure stabilized and his temp down. They did not inform us of how very bad he really was, or even give him a script for infection or anything else. At home, Ron kept getting worse, didn't even know who I was 2 nights ago. He thought I was his daughter. Then yesterday morning, Rons surgeon called me and told me that Ron was dying and he HAD to be hospitalized.He needed very aggressive IV therapy that could not be done in the home. As you also all know, I'm not ready to lose my husband. We have fought so had through all of this to keep him alive and now he was dying anyway. I begged Ron to go to the hospital, but he refused adamantly saying his word was final. Dr, Lavore asked if he could come over and talk to Ron and (thank God) Ron agreed. When he got here last night, the doctor explained to Ron that his wound was stealing all of his nutrients, electrolytes, potassium, sodium and protein and then losing it all through drainage. On top of that, he had infection somewhere and his red blood count was very low and he was very anemic. His brain was not getting enough oxygen. With all this going on, Dr. Lavore told Ron that he would be dead within 2 weeks if he didn't get treatment. Thank God, Ron finally agreed to go and was admitted this morning to ICU observation. They started IV therapy immediately, put a feeding tube down his nose, strong antibiotics, placed a pic line and did a ton of lab work and cultures. Once he is stable, they are going to do another surgery on his wound. A plastic surgeon with an excellent reputation and success record has agreed to repair the damage to his wound (his tailbone has been breaking off in pieces, his muscle and ligaments have literally turned to mush and the bones in his sacrum are exposed.) As well as repairing that damage, he will take flesh from other areas of Ron's body and build a flap that will fill in the huge crater on his backside. Ron will be at least another month in the hospital, but Dr. Lavore believes very strongly that Ron will finally heal and be able to have a life back. He promised that he would not make Ron go through all this if he didn't believe there was hope and a good possibility for healing. So theres the hope that we are holding on to once again. There's my hand, reaching out through the quicksand, waiting for God to pull me out. As far as I am concerned, I would ask that you pray for me to have the strength to continue on for however long it takes. I am also very angry and I need God's touch in removing that anger. What makes me the angriest is the fact that Ron originally went in for a surgery that we knew very well could kill him and it nearly did. He was on life support for so long and coded twice, but he fought with everything he had, to stay alive. And he survived. The surgery was a success and has now healed completely. All of his organs are functioning perfectly. But now he's dying anyway, from a horrible bedsore that is eating him alive.
So my friends, please pray for Ron's continued healing and for him to regain his strength and his mental status. For me, please pray for strength, peace of mind and a spirit of forgiveness. Someone quoted a Bible verse to me the other day, "Therefore where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am also." God has been with us all along. And with all of our voices collectively petitioning Him to save Ron, I believe He will do it. I love you all so much and I thank you for being there for me and Ron. Sincerely, Kathleen
But then I am brought back to reality by my very good friend Vickie. She reminds me of just how far God has brought us over the past few months. She tells me that people who give up, die. And then she reminds me of how God has blessed me with so many wonderful people who sincerely love me and Ron, and who have gone through this whole ordeal with us, praying unceasingly. She, in her own kind way, tells me to write...to allow you to help. Because we know that it's the many many prayers being said on Ron's behalf, on my behalf have been heard by God and have been answered. I realize that Ron is alive today because so many have petitioned God in prayer to help and heal him. So I'll write to you my friends. I'll keep my hand outstretched to God and I won't give up. Not on God. Not on Ron. Not on myself and not on my friends who have been my lifeline from the beginning of all this tragedy.
Here it is (finally). Ron is back in the hospital. As you know, I had him in the emergency room a few nights ago. He was in very bad condition then and they wanted him to be admitted, but he refused. He said he was finished with hospitals. He had had enough and just wanted to go home. Made me and his mom both promise that we would not allow him to be admitted. So he was discharged from the ER and brought home.The only thing they had done for him was to get his blood pressure stabilized and his temp down. They did not inform us of how very bad he really was, or even give him a script for infection or anything else. At home, Ron kept getting worse, didn't even know who I was 2 nights ago. He thought I was his daughter. Then yesterday morning, Rons surgeon called me and told me that Ron was dying and he HAD to be hospitalized.He needed very aggressive IV therapy that could not be done in the home. As you also all know, I'm not ready to lose my husband. We have fought so had through all of this to keep him alive and now he was dying anyway. I begged Ron to go to the hospital, but he refused adamantly saying his word was final. Dr, Lavore asked if he could come over and talk to Ron and (thank God) Ron agreed. When he got here last night, the doctor explained to Ron that his wound was stealing all of his nutrients, electrolytes, potassium, sodium and protein and then losing it all through drainage. On top of that, he had infection somewhere and his red blood count was very low and he was very anemic. His brain was not getting enough oxygen. With all this going on, Dr. Lavore told Ron that he would be dead within 2 weeks if he didn't get treatment. Thank God, Ron finally agreed to go and was admitted this morning to ICU observation. They started IV therapy immediately, put a feeding tube down his nose, strong antibiotics, placed a pic line and did a ton of lab work and cultures. Once he is stable, they are going to do another surgery on his wound. A plastic surgeon with an excellent reputation and success record has agreed to repair the damage to his wound (his tailbone has been breaking off in pieces, his muscle and ligaments have literally turned to mush and the bones in his sacrum are exposed.) As well as repairing that damage, he will take flesh from other areas of Ron's body and build a flap that will fill in the huge crater on his backside. Ron will be at least another month in the hospital, but Dr. Lavore believes very strongly that Ron will finally heal and be able to have a life back. He promised that he would not make Ron go through all this if he didn't believe there was hope and a good possibility for healing. So theres the hope that we are holding on to once again. There's my hand, reaching out through the quicksand, waiting for God to pull me out. As far as I am concerned, I would ask that you pray for me to have the strength to continue on for however long it takes. I am also very angry and I need God's touch in removing that anger. What makes me the angriest is the fact that Ron originally went in for a surgery that we knew very well could kill him and it nearly did. He was on life support for so long and coded twice, but he fought with everything he had, to stay alive. And he survived. The surgery was a success and has now healed completely. All of his organs are functioning perfectly. But now he's dying anyway, from a horrible bedsore that is eating him alive.
So my friends, please pray for Ron's continued healing and for him to regain his strength and his mental status. For me, please pray for strength, peace of mind and a spirit of forgiveness. Someone quoted a Bible verse to me the other day, "Therefore where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am also." God has been with us all along. And with all of our voices collectively petitioning Him to save Ron, I believe He will do it. I love you all so much and I thank you for being there for me and Ron. Sincerely, Kathleen
I will continue praying for strength, faith and healing for both Ron and you.
Kathleen, we are here and GOD is ALWAYS with you & Ron.Father of us all, Please reach your Hands down and touch Ron with Your Healing.Give Kathleen strength,peace of mind & let her forgive.We pray you hear our prayers for these two wonderful people.In your name we pray AMEN. Love Kathy
Dear Kathleen, I think you don't realize how very strong you are and how strong the bond is between you and Ron and your faith. This strength will carry you all through and all of your friends will be there with you, adding our strenght to yours. Fondly--Rita
Kathleen, I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel...but there is. Your faith is strong (although tested many times) & we are all on your side. The Doc's seem positive & that's good news. Make sure you take care of yourself, also. Sending love & prayers. Terry :-) x♥
KATHLEEN I WAS SO SAD WHEN I READ THIS. I KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS FOR BOTH OF YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON GOD! IN MY HEART I BELIEVE HE WILL HEAL RON! I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR BOTH OF YOU FOR STRENGHT AND HEALTH! WE LOVE BOTH OF YOU! PAMMIE
dear Kathleen, i 'll keep you and Ron in my prayers continue...God bless you both ....hugs Jenny ..