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dogs3 has been a member since 1/18/06 and was last logged in on 4/16/15

More funny jokes!!! 4/2/09 5:33 PM

A snail owned a car and was painting a big letter 'S' on it. His friend the turtle saw him and asked why and the snail replied, "When people see me drive by they can, 'Say look at the S-car-go".

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Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.

"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."

"I'm sorry, I still didn't undersftand you."

The successful man spits something into his hand. "You've got to keep your worms warm."
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A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."
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Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few minutes passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" The startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
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A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'







Comments

  • snapeswidow

    ROTFL!! these are great!LOL keep them coming.

  • bigfanochoc

    ROTFL!! Good jokes, always nice to drop in on you and have a larf! Keep up the good work! xxxx

  • lipstick50

    ROFLM*O See ya down by the river, girlfriend. *giggle*

  • Linda8134

    Funny jokes!! I bet a lot of people were gathered at the river. Love you sense of humor!!

  • red-squirrel

    Hehehe, thanks for the laughs hun ;-D Despite the less than favourable Scottish weather, I've decided to go swimming in the nearest river this weekend ;-P ☺♥☺