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NOT ONLINE frit1960

frit1960 has been a member since 7/16/08 and was last logged in on 12/7/20
  • About me

    After being married for many years, a woman asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly, then said, "You're A, B,C,D,E,F,G,H ... I, J, K. She asks, "what does that mean?", He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely ... what about I,J,K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!

    WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? ( hello because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? ( they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE 1 EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? ( because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock) ( you're laughing!!!!) 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs) 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? ( don't know.... it never happened) (C'mon guys, we laugh at your dumb ass jokes) And the personal favorite: 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? ( because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.)


    When God created Adam and Eve, He said: I only have two gifts: One is the art of peeing standing ... And then Adam stepped forward and shouted: ME!, ME!, ME!, I would love it please ... Lord, please, please! Look, it will make my life substantially easier. Eve nodded, and said those things did not matter to her. Then God gave Adam the gift and he began to shout for joy. He ran through the garden of Eden and used it to wet all the trees and bushes, ran down the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand ... Well, he would not stop showing off. God and Eve watched the man crazy with happiness and Eve asked God: What is the other gift? ' God answered: Eve,..... a brain ... and it is for you ...!


    A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man says, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up you look so excited." The groom replies, "I just had the best bj I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor notices this and says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited." The bride replies, "I have just given the last bj of my entire life."

    Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!" "Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old. "No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?" asked the 70 year old. "No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about bein eighty?" To which the eighty year old replied, "I don't wake up until ten!"

    I said to th wife I would love to go somewhere warm she said the CREMATORIUM is still open

    Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live maybe we could make love again?' Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, 'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.' She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?' His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen Barry, I'm not being funny... ..but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.


    BANNED Dear Mrs. Jones, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban him from the store. Our complaints against your husband Mr. Jones, include, but are not limited to, the list below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. January 5: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5- minute intervals. 2. February 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 3. March 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the toilets. 4. April 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Homewares. Get on it right away". This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor. 5. May 4: Went to the Customer Service Desk and tried to reserve a pack of biscuits. 6. June 14: Moved a "Caution - Wet Floor" sign to a carpeted area, which resulted in a customer slipping and falling over. 7. August 15: Sat in a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged. 8. September 3: Darted around the whole store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 9. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "Pick me! Pick me!" 10. November 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. 11. December 2: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." 12. December 7: Parked his car in the trolley shelter: Yours sincerely, Mr. Neil Clark, Store Manager

    A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?' She replied, 'I'm late for work.' 'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?' 'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded. The cop stammered, 'A what?............ 'A Rectum Stretcher!' 'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?' 'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet' 'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked 'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge..


    Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens....... "That's so clever"........ the woman gasps. ......"How did you do it?" Easy,......replies the man. ......."These are my khakis". !!


    The woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. She said, "Can you get it over the counter?" "I can, if I take two," he replied.


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    FROM:  DaddysGirl1966
    Love your profile haven't found anyone as funny or as interesting as you on royal in a long time , just the usual freaks, your a breath of fresh air, cute piics too, good luck with your games ,have a happy time on here sweetie ......love Liz xxxx

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    • Play a game of Pyramid Speed! Pyramid SpeedMost played:
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    • Play a game of Midas Solitaire! Midas Solitaire Favorite game:
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